obsessions

it is a part of my nature to get obsessive about things. i don't mean in any 16 year-old-girl obsessive stalker romantic way more of intellectual obsessions. this is what probably led me to go to grad school for philosophy. to do graduate study the object of your study has to be somewhat of an obsession. even though after many, many years of said study the obsession can be drained dry. i tend to jump from obsession to obsession although obsession b might be related to obsession a.

for instance i have always liked wilco. recently my liking has turned into an obsession. i read the kot biography of them and it talked about jeff tweedy reading henry miller so i went to the MSU library and picked up some miller (i had always meant to read some anyway and my friend frank had just read either of tropic of cancer or capicorn (i always get those two mixed up)). i picked up his book of essays and it is called STANDING STILL LIKE THE HUMMINGBIRD and one of the essays is MY LIFE AS AN ECHO. if you know your wilco one of the songs off the last album is HUMMINGBIRD. and the first line of this song is--his goal in life was to be an echo. this causes me to become more obsessive. but as i said above it is more an intellectual obsession--an obsession w/ an idea or ideas. hey, what can i say it occupies my time and keeps my mind busy. don't worry jeff tweedy should not be concerned--it is no way a groupie thing. (anyway i find john stirratt much more attractive and the man is a nice dresser w/ excellent taste in shoes.)

i am totally ok w/ being a stay-at-home mom. i have made this decision freely. recently i noticed that perhaps i do need more intellectual stimulation. my husband has to take a surgery test every january (ABSITE). all surgery residents must take this test and get ranked by their percentile about their knowledge of clinical care, basic sciences, etc. i have been reading my husband the ABSITE study guide when we drive around and then i started taking notes from his HUGE textbook CURRENT SURGICAL THERAPY so i could help him study. this is not to say that i understand much of what i am reading but....then today i realized--"WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING???" is this how desperate i am for an intellectual challenge that i will set myself the goal of reading a 1,500 page textbook of surgery???!!!!!! my husband in no way, shape or form asked me to do this. this task would probably be in no way helpful to him.

maybe i should take the LSAT and go to law school. what i like about law school is that it is short enough and demands you to study but not be obsessive about it in the way that grad school does. part of my reason for dropping out was i realized i could not devote myself to it in the way that a career in it would have demanded. no offense to lawyers, but although the law might be challenging i don't see lawyers as devoting themselves totally to the law and the ideas it is made up of.

i was actually considering getting the textbooks for the first year classes at UofM law and going through them myself.

AM I BEING CRAZY? IS THIS MY BRAIN TELLING ME I NEED TO BE CHALLENGED?

(i got a free copy of PASTE magazine in the mail w/ a free cd and dvd sampler. i also got two movies from NETFLIX--THE MACHINIST (christian bale is one of my favorite actors) and the first episode of the PBS documentary about NY.)

I AM HAPPY.