gooney goo goo

i think that thus far the title of my blog has been false advertising. i haven't really whined or bitched as much as i could or as much as i am capable of.

i am in a particularly bad fucking mood. my husband started a new rotation june 1st and is back to general surgery in flint. flint is an hour drive from where we live. on wed. he left at 6am and got home at 8pm. yesterday he left at 5:30am and got home at 6:30pm and today he is on-call which means he left at 6am and won't be home until tomorrow late morning sometime. he is also on-call sunday. i fucking hate having to take care of everything on the homefront by myself. this month will continue to be like this.

next week is the last week of school for the two older kids. this means ellyn will be all stressed out and bitchy coz of final exams. harry won't be worked up but they have end-of-the-year picnics and such. usually i like to be involved in these things because it shows your kids and the teachers that you believe school is important. being involved has become fairly impossible with twin toddlers. i have to drag them everywhere. i can barely find time to brush my goddamn teeth.
as i walk around i think to myself...i am near the point of having no dignity left. i dress a step above a homeless person half the fucking time and not in any cool ironic post-punk way but in a i-haven't had-any-time-to-do-laundry-and-i-have-no-fucking-money-to-buy-anything way. in two days in the last week my hair has been stiff because i have been wearing the baby in the backpack and he had ice cream which he proceeded to stick in my hair. when do i have time to wash my hair? i don't. i could let it go and have dreadlocks. i had to put my hair under the sink and try and comb it out.

i have taken to having conversations with myself because i am only with non-speaking toddlers most of my time. i had to take them out driving at 10:45 tonight to get them to sleep. as i was carrying them back in the house after getting them to sleep i was thinking...was grad school just a dream. did i fucking read hegel's BEING AND TIME twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????


MAGNIFICENT SEVEN is on TCM. i have never seen it and i am not really paying attention now. but---steve mcqueen and lee marvin were two hard ass motherfuckers.

i was going out of my goddamn mind sitting in my house all day alone w/ the twins and so in the evening i went to my in-laws and one of the twins throw a watch at me and hit me right at that place in your temple that is really sensitive. i now have a big bump and some small pain. i find this quite illustrative of my life at this particular moment.

tell you what....prozac gives me weird fucking dreams. dreams are always weird but it seems with prozac i get more icky ones. there seems to be a story in this turn of events somewhere.....don't you think?